Christopher Murray

Do any of us really know each other or ourselves? I always thought that I had a pretty good relationship with myself. It turns out I was only half right.

I have always felt that I have a good grasp on my weaknesses and the areas of my life I need to work on. After all, nobody is perfect. I have also spent time in the past trying to work out where my strengths lay. However recently I have been looking, in fact deep diving in to the job market in search of a new role. I have discovered not only how tough the current job market is here in the UK, but it turns out I have also been learning about myself.

In the past I have been to therapy, which was a great help with the reasons I went. I can highly recommend it to anyone who needs it. I have also tried journaling. Although I didn’t find this too helpful in terms of understanding myself, I found it very useful for working through problems and getting things that frustrate me off my chest. In many ways I would describe the act of journaling as a way to clear your mind.

Entering the job market though really makes you think. The first step was evaluating what I like to do, what I don’t like to do and what sits in the middle of that. This can be quite tough if you are indecisive. Once you have figured this out it is time for some research. There are many jobs out there, a lot of which you would have no idea that they exist until you are in that industry or meet someone who does it. The things that people get paid to do is mind boggling. These first stages are relatively simple steps though and the real soul searching is yet to come.

To apply for these jobs is almost a full time enterprise in itself. To be able to apply though, you need to sit down and really consider yourself. What are your strengths, what are your weaknesses, what do you do well, what can you bring to a role. The application process forces you to look back over your career, which may be a huge part of your life depending on your age. Not only do you have to look back, you have to analyse in detail each part of your life. Most importantly, you have to be honest.

If this wasn’t enough, if you get through to an interview or a conversation with a hiring manager, you have to dig deeper. They will probe everything you say, everything you believe about yourself.  When you are turned down for a role – it would be odd to not experience this, you are given feedback which offers more insight into yourself. Each time you go through this cycle, you find out more, you dig deeper, you analyse. It really is a cycle of self-learning, self-therapy.

I have never found an exercise which has made me look into myself more than job hunting. It can be painful at times. As you slowly strip away the layers of rose tinted glasses that you have built up over the years. Each stage, each attempt a new and improved iteration of yourself and your mindset. Each time learning more. The beliefs you hold about yourself explored and challenged. Sometimes you realise that you are better or more capable than you thought. Other times a slow realisation forms, maybe you need to work on certain areas.

Overall the process is gruelling and difficult. Is anything worth doing not on the other side of a little pain? In the end you strip away the layers of your self-image to reveal truths that you never knew existed. Being able to understand yourself is an ongoing process. Any process that challenges your views and forces you to examine and explain yourself will ultimately lead to further understanding. It may not be a process I would have chosen, but for me it has been a process I have needed. Understanding yourself is a journey, one that I think we all need to embark upon.